We can all certainly use help in trying to build peace within ourselves in our very divided society. Sharing an article from Mediate.com… Conflict happens. It is inevitable. It is going to happen whenever you have people with different expectations. This makes conflict management critical, whether avoiding arguments, disputes, lasting conflict or ultimately, litigation. Conflict can be avoided if steps are taken early in a discussion to diffuse anger and facilitate communication, and it can be resolved by applying a series of thoughtfully applied steps. As a full-time mediator and trainer in the fields of negotiation and conflict resolution, I see conflict in its final stages – full blown litigation or on the verge of it in pre-litigation mode. What I have learned in seeing these disputes for 10 years is that most of them could have been resolved in the earliest stages if the people involved applied some of the skills that mediators use to resolve conflict. And wouldn’t it be great if companies could resolve these disputes before each side spent hundreds of thousands in litigation costs, before the employee was terminated or before the customer or working relationship was gone forever? Here are some tools for avoiding and resolving disputes in the early stages, before they become full-blown conflicts: 1. Stay Calm. Thomas Jefferson said, “Nothing gives one so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.” The thing that leads to conflict is escalation. What starts people escalating is their anger. Most of us stop listening to understand as we get angry. Instead, we start listening in order to argue back. Remaining calm is essential for performing these tools. To remain calm, it helps to look at the big picture. If you think about it, most every dispute gets resolved…
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October 2019 Chapter Updates
Aloha kakou! May this message find you and your loved ones in good health and spirits. The purpose of this message is to provide our members with updates on the status of our Chapter. Tax exempt status reinstated The IRS granted our application. Our tax exempt status was reinstated back to the date of revocation, May 15, 2018. Contributions to our Chapter under IRC Section 170 remain valid and may be deducted just as before. We are now tax exempt as a separate, independent, entity and no longer fall under ACR’s group exemption. Recommendation to become a separate, independent organization The Board recommends that our Chapter be established as a separate, independent, non-profit, tax exempt organization, and that its Chapter status be terminated by the end of calendar year 2020. The vote by members on this issue may be taken at the next annual membership meeting scheduled for November 22nd, 2019. A Transition Committee (composed of Dick Mosher, Lisa Nakao, Jose Barzola, and Sky Kau`i Chun-Matsukawa) has been appointed to provide members with specific information before the vote and to oversee the process. Reasons for becoming a separate organization Our recommendation followed many months of deliberation, discussions, and debate. The basic reasons for establishing a separate, independent, organization, may be summarized as follows: a. Our limited time, energy, and attention may be better utilized locally. By focusing 100% of our energy and resources here, our organization will be able to serve our local community more effectively. b. Our Bylaws require our officers and directors to be ACR members. Many Board members do not meet this qualification. We considered the option of continuing in this way. However, it may be unwise to settle upon a long-term practice of choosing which Bylaws will be followed and which ones…
October is filled with events about conflict resolution! Many mediation trainings and conflict resolution skill building workshops are happening in October. Here are some free events you may be interested in: “5:1 Kindness Challenge” Throughout October (Web Event) Chai Time of film screening –“Spark Matsunaga: Warrior Poet” October 8, 2019 3pm-4pm (Honolulu) Panel Discussion – “Making Connections with Opening Statements: Laying Foundations for Productive Mediation” on October 14, 2019 1:30pm – 3:40pm (Honolulu) Brown Bag Presentation – “Restorative Justice: Post Traumatic Strength & Development!” on October 17, 2019 12pm – 1pm (Hilo) Workshop & Talk Story – “Hate – The Other Four Letter Word” on October 29, 2019 12pm – 2pm (Honolulu) Check out the events page for the full listings.
“A Formula for Healthy Relationships” by Anne Marie Smoke – Originally posted on November 1, 2018 in State of Hawai’i Judiciary blog The thing that separates healthy and happy relationships from miserable ones is a balance of positive to negative interactions. Studies in the field of social psychology show that it takes five positive interactions to make up for every one bad encounter you have with someone. It is called the 5:1 Magic Ratio. Think of it as a simple formula for building healthy relationships. There are other positive outcomes of balancing good and bad human encounters that affect our work environment. Studies in human performance continue to reflect decades-old theories on the value of positive reinforcement in the workplace. This wisdom suggests that positive reinforcement—which by all conventional measures is a good encounter—can make an organization more effective and bring out the best in everybody. Here is how it works. We experience approximately 20,000 individual moments in a waking day each lasting just a few seconds. The moments that make an indelible mark on our memory are not the neutral encounters we have with others, but the ones that are either positive or negative. Even though these encounters are only seconds long, they can be life-changing. If you can change someone’s life in just a few seconds, why not make it for the better and get the added payoff of cultivating a happy, more productive workplace. It all starts by establishing a culture of positive exchanges. Pay someone a compliment. Offer a few encouraging words. Show appreciation. Help a coworker save face. Or, simply greet your coworkers with a smile! The good news is that you can bank good actions or encounters. After all, we are human, and we all have momentary lapses in judgement, or mindless, rushed moments when we are unaware of what we are leaving in…
Information about the upcoming Free Workshop & Talk Story Gathering… October 29, 2019 12pm – 2pm Hawaii Supreme Court, MPR 101 Hate. We fear it. We want to control it. Outlaw it. Distance ourselves from its awesome power. Yet, this powerful emotion seems inextricably bonded to our human nature. What’s behind this dynamic emotion? Can we tame it? Ease its hurtful potential? Join us for a journey into the heart of hate as we try to understand the forces behind it. We just might discover some keys that reveal some of its mysteries and channel its destructive energies. Click Here for Flyer Presenters: José Barzola & Owen Tamamoto Register for the event here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/hate-the-other-four-letter-word-tickets-74264983565
Join us for “Making Connections with Opening Statements: Laying Foundations for Productive Mediation” presented by The State of Hawaii Judiciary Center for Alternative Dispute Resolution: Monday, October 14, 2019 1:30 PM – 3:40 PM (check in 12:45 PM – 1:15 PM) Ali’iolani Hale (Hawai’i Supreme Court Courtroom) Free Event! Through demonstrations and deconstructing mediation opening statements, this live panel presentation will provide mediators with best practices and tactics for building rapport, credibility, and trust during the first phase of mediation. A lesson in nonverbal communications will give participants more tools for setting the stage and managing a fair and impartial process. Participants will leave with a heightened self-awareness of their professional conduct and better understanding of the impact first impressions have on setting the stage for productive discourse in mediation and other settlement discussions. CLE credits available. Approximately 80 seats in the room and seats will fill fast. Register at https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/101419oahu. More information see flyer -> 20191014 Making Connections with Opening Statements. For inquiries contact CADR@courts.hawaii.gov. For more events happening in Hawaii you may also be interested, please check out our event page.
We hope you had a great weekend celebrating the International Day of Peace this past Saturday. As we continue our work on peacebuilding, it is important to maintain our own health & happiness within to be effective in our work. Many of us try to eat healthy and exercise for this reason. While these are important actions, it is not always easy. The good news is, there is also a much simpler action you can take that will help you. Science seems to show that “being kind” positively impacts both!** To helps us all stay healthy and happy, and to celebrate International Day of Non-Violence on October 2, World Smile Day on October 4, National Do Something Nice Day on October 5, Conflict Resolution Day on October 17, and National I Care About You Day on October 25, we are bringing back the “5:1 Kindness Challenge” in the month of October. This year, we are also hosting Images of Kindness Contest at the same time. We hope you can join us! Go to http://www.crahawaii.org//51-kindness-challenge-2019/ to find out the 5:1 Kindness Challenge and Contest details. **References “The Importance of Kindness” by Karyn Hall Ph.D. – Psychology Today Dec 04, 2017 “The amazing health benefits of kindness” by Michael Roizen, M.D., and Mehmet Oz, M.D. – MSN.com Sep 20, 2019
Aloha! New Free Brown Bag Event on 8/29/19, “Busting Arbitration Myths: Perception vs. Reality” by Lance Tanaka, Vice President of AAA, was just posted on the event page. There will be 1 CLE credit for attending this presentation. Seating is limited to 30 and the ticket is going quickly. Register now at https://bit.ly/2yZAdA1 Many exciting training opportunities and networking events for peacebuilders are coming up in Hawaii. Check out at our event page so you will not miss them.
Our State Ombudsman, Robin Matsunaga, is recommending one of the pre-registration workshops to ADR professionals in Hawaii and asked if we would get the word out. Robin says, “Although most of the sessions being offered during the main conference may be too specific to ombudsman work, some of the members of Hawaii’s ADR community might find them of interest. One session that I think would be of value for anyone in the dispute resolution field is the one-day pre-conference workshop titled Dealing with Unreasonable Complainant Conduct. This workshop has consistently received high ratings from participants.” Here is s description of the workshop: Unreasonable complainant conduct (UCC) can take up an inordinate amount of an agency’s time and resources. Participants will learn the strategies developed as part of a joint project by the nine Australian Parliamentary Ombudsman offices to deal with UCC. This very popular and world-renowned one-day workshop will provide participants with specific strategies and skills to effectively and confidently deal with UCC. It is designed for staff who come into contact with, or respond to, complainants or customers who display unreasonable conduct, as well as supervisors and senior management responsible for setting complaint handling policy. The workshop will also examine participant examples of UCC. Participants will learn: Strategies for managing UCC; Key messages for complainants/clients/staff; Ways to support staff in implementing strategies; and Staff health and safety considerations. The instructor is Donald Sword, Educator and Advocate, New South Wales, Australia. A full-day class. When: Monday, September 16 / Tuesday, September 17 Where: Hilton Waikiki Beach Hotel Registration fee: $275 for USOA members / $325 for non-members (After August 15, the fee increases by $50. ) The fee includes breakfast and lunch, plus morning and afternoon breaks. Attendance in each class is capped at 40. …
Sharing an interesting article… Originally posted at YesMagazine.org by Yasmeen Wafai on Jul 10, 2019 Research suggests that structured engagement with someone who holds divergent views can be transformative, even without a concrete resolution. Putting two people with diametrically opposed viewpoints in a room together may seem frightening to most, but one research lab has been doing it for nearly 20 years. The Difficult Conversations Lab was founded in the early 2000s by Peter Coleman, a professor of psychology and education at Columbia University. He said the lab was created to study deeply rooted, complicated, and hard-to-solve conflicts. He wanted to understand why conflicts in families, communities, and in the international arena get stuck in a destructive pattern. He based his idea for the lab on other projects like the Gottman Institute’s Love Lab for couples therapy. Coleman said researchers at the lab measure people’s attitudes on a series of issues through surveys, then find people who are on opposite sides of a particular issue and invite them to the lab for a conversation. They choose currently relevant topics like abortion, free speech, race relations, and politics. Researchers study the conditions under which the conversations go well, or well enough, whether the participants continue to speak with each other, and where they stop the conversations out of frustration, he said. Contrary to expectation, these conversations do not always go sour and are sometimes constructive, Coleman said. It is not that participants are solving the issues themselves, but they are creating the space to learn something about themselves, the issue, and other viewpoints. “What we’re doing is not some sort of magical experience that transforms people,” Coleman said. The lab has conducted several hundred conversations, and the research is ongoing, he said. The conclusions the team have reached so far depend on…